CASE STUDY

Applying the CLEAR Method to Family Conflict Over Chores

Background

An adolescent is feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and social pressures, leaving them with little energy or motivation to contribute to household chores. The parent, frustrated by the lack of help, feels burdened with the extra responsibilities. This tension has created an ongoing conflict, which both parties struggle to address effectively. They reach out for coaching, seeking a way to resolve the issue while strengthening their relationship.

Conflict

The adolescent is avoiding chores, claiming they don’t have enough time or energy due to school stress. The parent, feeling unsupported, is frustrated by the increasing workload and feels that their teen is being irresponsible. Both parties are stuck in a cycle of miscommunication and resentment, and the adolescent is feeling increasingly pressured.

The Role of the Coach (Dr. Elizabeth Hall)

As the coach, I guided the conversation using the CLEAR method to foster understanding, empathy, and a concrete action plan. The goal was to help both parties feel heard, explore the underlying issues, and come up with a collaborative solution.

Connect

Listen

Explore

Align

Resolve

Purpose

Create a respectful and open space for both parties to feel heard.

Begin by affirming the intention to resolve the conflict collaboratively.
Acknowledge each person’s perspective and emotions.
Example: "Thank you both for being open to working through this. Let's make sure we understand each other fully."

Purpose

Fully hear and reflect the narratives of both parties.

Step 1: Have the first person share their perspective uninterrupted.
Step 2: Ask the second person to summarize what they heard from the first.
- Example Question: "Can you summarize what [Person A] just shared to ensure we’re all aligned?"
Step 3: Repeat the process with the second person sharing their perspective.

Purpose

Break down the conflict into manageable parts.

Identify and list all the topics or issues raised in the narratives.
Keep adding to the list until both agree that all concerns have been captured.
- Example: "From what you've both shared, here are the key topics: [list]. Is there anything missing?"
Prioritize the list based on urgency or importance.

Purpose

Collaboratively generate solutions and find common ground.

Brainstorm multiple options for each prioritized topic.
Ensure both parties contribute to the brainstorming process.
- Example: "What are some possible solutions to address [specific topic]?"
Narrow down to one or two actionable options that feel fair and achievable.

Purpose

Create a concrete plan with accountability.

Develop a step-by-step action plan:
- What: Specific actions to take.
- Who: Assign responsibility.
- When: Establish deadlines.
Set a follow-up to review progress and ensure accountability.
- Example: "Let’s agree on a time next month to check in and review how the plan is working."

Setting the Tone for Collaboration

We began the session with a focus on creating a safe, non-judgmental space for both the adolescent and the parent. I encouraged them to share their perspectives with the intent of understanding rather than defending positions.

Me (Coach):

"I know this issue has been creating some tension at home, and I appreciate both of you being here to work through it. My goal is for both of you to feel heard and respected in this conversation. Let's make sure we understand each other fully and approach this as a team. How are you both feeling about working on this together?"

Adolescent:

"I’m just really stressed out with school and sports and my friends right now. It’s hard to focus on all the things, and honestly, the chores are just annoying."

Parent:

"I get that outside expectations are a lot right now, but it’s hard to keep up with everything around the house. I don’t feel like I’m getting enough help, and it’s really starting to stress me out."

Fully Hearing Each Other’s Perspectives

The next step was to ensure that both the parent and adolescent were truly hearing each other’s perspectives. I guided them to listen without interrupting each other, and to reflect back what the other person said.

Me (Coach):

"Let’s take a moment to make sure that we’re really understanding each other. [Adolescent], can you summarize what [Parent] just shared to make sure that we’re on the same page?"

Adolescent:

"Yeah, [Parent] feels like I’m not doing enough around the house, and it’s stressing them out. They’re carrying all the responsibility for chores, and I can’t keep up with it."

Me (Coach):

"Great, now, [Parent], can you repeat what [Adolescent] just said to make sure you’re both aligned?"

Parent:

"[Adolescent] feels really overwhelmed with school and extracurriculars. They’re exhausted by the end of the day, and chores just feel like too much. I’m also hearing that they feel like I don’t understand how hard it is to balance everything right now.

Breaking Down the Conflict

I guided the family to explore all the factors contributing to the conflict. We broke down the situation into manageable pieces to uncover underlying issues.

Me (Coach):

"Let’s take a closer look at everything that’s been going on. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there are a few different issues here: the pressure of schoolwork, feeling too tired for chores, and the burden on [Parent] to do everything around the house. Are there any other things you think might be contributing?"

Adolescent:

"Yeah, I guess I’ve been feeling really burnt out. There’s a lot going on at school, and when I’m done, I just want to relax. Chores are the last thing I want to think about."

Parent:

"I didn’t realize you were feeling that much stress. I just saw that the chores weren’t getting done, and I felt like you were being lazy or just ignoring it."

Me (Coach):

"It sounds like both of you are feeling a lot of pressure, but it’s manifesting in different ways. [Adolescent], you’re overwhelmed with school, and [Parent], you’re feeling unsupported. Does that sound right?"

Finding Solutions Together

We then worked on brainstorming possible solutions, ensuring that both the parent and adolescent felt that they were contributing to the discussion. The goal was to find a fair and actionable plan.

Me (Coach):

"Now that we understand the issues better, let’s think about how we can address them. What are some ways we could make the chores more manageable for [Adolescent] without adding more stress to their plate?"

Adolescent:

"Maybe I could do one or two small chores after school each day. It wouldn’t be so overwhelming, and I can still get a break afterwards."

Parent:

"That could work. And maybe I could help with some of the bigger tasks on weekends. That way, it won’t all fall on you during the week."

Me (Coach):

"Those are great suggestions! Let’s get a little more specific. How about we break the chores down into smaller, daily tasks for [Adolescent] and then you [Parent] will take on the larger chores? Is there a way to make sure the schoolwork doesn’t become a roadblock?"

Adolescent:

"Maybe we could review my school schedule together and figure out when I have the most energy. If I can get through homework in the morning, I might have more time and energy for chores later."

Parent:

"I can help with that. Let’s figure out a schedule together that works for both of us."

Creating a Concrete Plan

Finally, I helped them to create a concrete action plan with clear steps, responsibilities, and timelines. We also established a follow-up to review their progress.

Me (Coach):

"Let’s summarize what we’ve agreed on:

What: [Adolescent] will do one or two small chores each day after school, and [Parent] will handle the larger chores on weekends.
Who: [Adolescent] will take on the daily tasks, and [Parent] will assist with the bigger ones.
When: We’ll check in next Sunday to see how the new plan is going and make adjustments if needed."

Parent:

"Sounds good to me. I appreciate [Adolescent] taking this on, and I’ll do my part to support them too."

Adolescent:

"I think I can handle that. I’ll try to stay on top of my stuff so I have time to do chores."

Outcome

Over the next week, the parent and adolescent began implementing the new plan. The adolescent started doing their daily chores without feeling overwhelmed, and the parent helped with bigger tasks on weekends. At their follow-up check-in, both reported feeling less stressed and more supported. The adolescent felt empowered by the manageable chore schedule, while the parent felt relieved and appreciated for the teamwork.

This case study highlights how the CLEAR method can be effectively applied in a family conflict to transform tension into collaboration, understanding, and shared responsibility. Both the parent and adolescent felt heard and valued, and together they created a plan that worked for both of them.